Archive for the ‘Fluevog Spotlight’ Category

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Fluevog Spotlight: Veggie Vogs

March 26, 2008

Veggie SuperVeg Apparently, this ‘environment’ thing is now cool.  We’re supposed to be caring about it.  I think that’s nice.

I don’t eat meat, and am amused by the automatic social conscience credit earned by this choice.  In fact, I think little of the terrible treatment of livestock and care less of the impact on my karma.  The truth is, a steak is an awfully overwhelming commitment, especially when it tastes kind of gross.  But I’m happy to go sorting through my rubbish bin, frown at SUV drivers and lament Big Business.  I’m always willing to embrace a cause at little personal cost.

I applaud the environmentalists who think daily of their footprint.  I think of mine too, and I insist it not be ugly.

Have you seen the Veggie Vogs?

More importantly, have you seen a more horrendous shoe?

The Angel is a great line of shoes – sturdy and dependable and just a little bit interesting.  They got dunked in the ugly vat in being veggiefied.  Is this the fashion version of a cilice?

Verdict: I wouldn’t marry this shoe, and I’d insist it shower before coming within ten metres.

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Fluevog Spotlight: Rococco Desdemona

March 12, 2008

rococco desdemona I have an urge to dry hump just about every member of the Operetta/Soprano families (oh, the teal Inge, the green Hildegard, the red Maria), but Catholic nuns taught me the virtue of denial for denial’s sake, and it’s Lent, so let’s elsewhere.

D’Artagnan and Puss in Boots meet Baroque on your auntie’s sofa with the Rococco Desdemona.

With a heel almost as distinctive as that famous cloven one, the Rococcos have been making striking forays into Grand National territory of darkness and vice.  The Desdemona backs off a little from the depravity and instead goes in a more opulent, lush direction.

If you love these boots but are frightened of the price tag, the Friend Mallory is similar, but built on the more boring but cheaper (and very comfy) Chinese heel and sells for about USD$200 less.  Apparently you can also wear those ones folded up, over the knee.

Verdict: I wouldn’t marry these boots, but I’d definitely be interested in a sword fight.  If you know what I mean.  And I think you do.

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Fluevog Spotlight: Body Part Pump

January 11, 2008

Big news over at Fluevog (besides the sale.  Oh, there’s a sale.) is the release of the Body Part Pump.

This shoe is in homage to the original Body Part, which was released a decade ago and carried John’s feelings about AIDS.  It was notable for a heel designed to be phallic.

The new Body Part is a rather gorgeous shoe, and I’d snap up the red one in an instant if my shoe collection weren’t already over-influenced by Dorothy (and if even I wasn’t put-off a little by the price).  But I have a bone to pick with the boner bit.

I’m all for a shoe that looks like a phallus.  However, I prefer my phallic shoes to have a little more…cock.

The new Body Part isn’t phallic at all, and the old one just barely skimmed the line.  If I’m going to buy $359 penis pumps, then I want the kinds of shoes that will cause the fainting of old ladies and the outcry of religious groups.

    body part

Verdict: I wouldn’t marry this shoe, and I’d expect the talk of its prowess to outstrip its performance.

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Fluevog Spotlight: Angel Gibson Swirl

October 8, 2007

The comedy tie is care-worn and aged, and no-one wants to see the comedy boxer shorts.  How’s a conservative dresser supposed to show his wild and crazy side now?

The answer is the Gibson Swirl.  Preferably in Burgandy Rub-Off.

This shoe will pass muster as a boring oxford, but can also be waved around as evidence of a deeper layer or two.  A hint of wild.  A touch of crazy.  A smidgen of Fluevog.

The Gibson Swirl is perfectly lovely, in either the shoe or the Derby Swirl boot.  It may not be the most interesting Fluevog in the rack, but it’s a supremely adequate representative of the genre of The Straight Boy Vog.

And of course, like all Angels, it resists alkali, water, acid, fatigue and Satan.  You can’t lose.

Verdict: I wouldn’t marry this shoe, but I’d show it a thing or two in the sack.

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Fluevog Spotlight: Operetta Illeana

September 26, 2007

This little lady is a complicated lass.

Sometimes, she’s Liana, a school-teacher type. A little bit sensible, a little bit crunchy, with her comfortable heel, her woven leather and her floaty skirts. She’s the type to take her class out on a nice blue day to show them clouds and help them find shapes.

At other times, she’s Illeana, and she takes prisoners. She comes out at night, and with her straps and her buckles, she steps firmly and confidently and takes you places you’ve never been.

Verdict: I wouldn’t marry this shoe, but I’d date both its personalities to make the other one jealous.

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Fluevog Spotlight: Grand National

September 11, 2007

Let’s kick this thing off with a bang.

Voted “Shoe Most Likely to Need Hosing Off”, the Grand National is a Fluevog icon.  The open lacing, the cloven heel – this is the shoe fetishists pined for during the dark non-Grand National years.  There are rumours about a lost mould, but at the end of ’04, it returned and it was grand.

The reunion tour had four members – the classic black knee-high, the shoe, the corsetry-laced mid-calf and the red pony knee-high.  The shoe was for people too cheap for the knee-high.  The corsetry-laced was for anyone who enjoys looking like a particularly well-netted tuna.  The red pony was for those who wear both smokey eyes and dark lips.  The classic black knee-high was the way to go.  This is the boot for family reunions, church socials and work functions.  This is the boot that warns “No, you don’t want to ask me about my personal life, my answers would break your mind.”

And if you haven’t bought it already, you may be out of luck.  It’s back in the Flueseum on the site, and the stores are running low.  Have you seen it still available anywhere?

Verdict: I wouldn’t marry this shoe, but I’d have wild sex with it in the basement at my grandparents’ house.